The expectation process, and love that circus
This expectation process seems, for me, like some kind of faking-it thing, acting. I want to seem to know what I’m doing at all times, and expecting various things is like a magical process of trying to make them happen, or give a kind of appearance of them happening. It’s like conjuring up a feeling or presence of things happening.
I think this inkling is positive and true in a way, but gets distorted easily into unrealistic expections for the mind. The mind will not conform to expectations, hopes, and fears. Practice helps remind and establish this as a habit; by seeing the mind doing its loopy thing a million or a trillion times, you start to get the idea. It’s a mind. That’s what it does. It’s like a circus. You don’t expect the circus to be an office and do paperwork. A circus is a circus. Get some popcorn!
The mind does lots of ornate and fantastic things, maybe like a circus full of monsters and deformed beasts, and it also labels. The idea that things are not their labels is one “thing” I got right away, or thought I did. Not only do you think and plan and reconstruct all the time, you give names and categories to things. It’s like that moment. There’s that thing that I know. It’s a fan.The TV is making sounds.
Instead of hearing and seeing, you get a slightly shady version of hearing and seeing- labels. Would that you could just rip the labels off, but you can’t. That seems to be part of problem and confusion with psychedelic experiences; they promise to bring you to some direct experience of reality, when they just push certain buttons, tending to give the illusion of direct experience.