Habits, relationships

Afrikaans: Geroosterde pitte van die koffiepla...

Afrikaans: Geroosterde pitte van die koffieplant. English: Roasted coffee beans Español: Granos de café tostado (natural). Bahasa Indonesia: Biji kopi alami yang telah disangrai. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

People have habitual patterns. These patterns have a pull to them. They’re physical. When I go to make coffee, I have my little way of getting the beans, grinding them in the grinder, tapping out the ground beans to a certain rhythm…

One problem is that these patterns make you unconscious. They’re numbing, even if efficient. People like efficiency, but no one really wants numbness, or a living death.

Another problem is that habitual tendencies make it hard to do something different. Think of a problematic relationship, and if it has some habitual qualities- always rushing to fight about x, always tensing up when y is suggested. It’s not that YOUR way is wrong and you’re crazy; it’s that if you want to “improve a relationship” or get over something, having an addiction as far as what you feel or think or do can make that really difficult.

Today I had a moment of noticing this in a conversation, and holding back.

Generally, I think of holding back as bad, cowardice. If you’re about to go into a habitual argument, with the natural feeling of being justified, the joy of being able to go back into that argument, holding back can be good. I was so glad I did.

A fallen coffee cup with beans pouring out.

A fallen coffee cup with beans pouring out. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


About jakekarlins

Aspiring writer and artist, dharma practitioner, yogi.

Posted on April 3, 2012, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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