Days seem to have flavors to them. This is why astrology makes some sense to me. Personally, I try not to think about it too much, since I know I can go overboard with that kind of thing easily, and astrology seems to take some power out of people’s hands. But what it does seem to do is explain why days, or longer periods have flavors.
Some days, I feel stressed out for no reason at all. I may not have much work to do, or many things to figure out, but I feel stressed and anxious from the moment I wake up. When I go outside, it seems like other people are too. During some periods of time, synchronicity seems to pop up everywhere, and there’s a touch of magic in the air. Like everybody, I try to understand things, do what I have to, get along, but a lot of the situation at any point seems to be involved with this kind of atmosphere. It was very gratifying when I realized that this meant interdependence.
Having read this term for years, I finally felt like I got it a tiny bit, beyond the fact that trees come from seeds, and bear fruit, and depend on water and sun. It’s not such a huge insight, but it’s useful to me, I think (and it does feel good to have an insight). Times and places seem to carry some sort of charge, or atmosphere. You’ve probably guessed what I’ll say next, but meditation gives you a chance to touch in with this more. Beside that, though, it also gives a bit more leverage. I am not saying it’s easy, sometimes I get really mad, for the smallest reason, and that’s my responsibility. I am the one who hurts people’s feelings when I get mad, whether or not the planets’ alignment had anything to do with it. Still, being able to sit down, and work with my mind gives me a better awareness of and ability to be stable through stormy areas.
Just now I went to meet my wife. She was at an internet cafe doing some work for her visa. These places are everywhere here in Thailand. They are often full of noisy kids playing online games and yelling back and forth. They drive me crazy. The noise cuts right through me, and they don’t respond to dirty looks or throat clearing. It’s really unpleasant and startling. So I went to one cafe, and my wife said I could sit down if I wanted. She was almost done. I heard the yelling, and after a minute or two, I decided to wait outside. I’m pretty proud of that. It was nothing that mind-blowing, but I saw that an environment was too much for me, had been there before, and stepped out. I’m glad I did.
People have habitual patterns. These patterns have a pull to them. They’re physical. When I go to make coffee, I have my little way of getting the beans, grinding them in the grinder, tapping out the ground beans to a certain rhythm…
One problem is that these patterns make you unconscious. They’re numbing, even if efficient. People like efficiency, but no one really wants numbness, or a living death.
Another problem is that habitual tendencies make it hard to do something different. Think of a problematic relationship, and if it has some habitual qualities- always rushing to fight about x, always tensing up when y is suggested. It’s not that YOUR way is wrong and you’re crazy; it’s that if you want to “improve a relationship” or get over something, having an addiction as far as what you feel or think or do can make that really difficult.
Today I had a moment of noticing this in a conversation, and holding back.
Generally, I think of holding back as bad, cowardice. If you’re about to go into a habitual argument, with the natural feeling of being justified, the joy of being able to go back into that argument, holding back can be good. I was so glad I did.